Christian Opinions Not Allowed

My husband recently posted a question on Yahoo! Answers about the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. He is worried that his outspoken Christian opinions on the morality of homosexuality will end up getting him kicked out. The responses he received were unhelpful to the extreme. Basically he had twenty or so military members tell him that, because of his "hatred" and "intolerance" for the Gay community, he needed to do the military a favor and get out  because he was not welcome. I have talked to multiple members of the US Army and none have agreed with the repeal. So why was his post so unwelcome? My thought is because he's a Christian.
  Christians are slowly becoming the minority. We have lost almost every amendment right because we're seen as intolerant and hateful, yet most of us aren't. I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle, yet i have beloved friends who are gay. I believe that a man and a woman were created with a penis and a vagina for a reason. I think homosexuality is morally repugnant and unnatural, and if you thought really hard about it, you would, too; yet i love my gay friends more than anything else. How is this possible? Because as a Christian, i can love the person, yet hate the sin. Too often Christians hate the person and the sin, which causes the rest of us to earn a bad name. Yet i digress, because this blog is not about that. It's about religious intolerance, or Christian Intolerance.
     Why do people reject Christianity? To me, it's one of the few things in this world that makes sense. Too many people are afraid to have moral values because they'll be seen as Christians. This confounds me. It's wrong to have an abortion. I believe most women have an abortion because they are uneducated about other ways and truly believe that this is their only way out. They're not thinking about the little one growing inside of them. The little heart beating. I believe that abortion is an abomination. Each child has a reason for being, even those born with mental diseases and defects, and those born to abusive families. They serve as sad reminders that we are not and will never be a perfect society until Jesus returns. They serve as brave lessons to us all about compassion, love, and the faults of man. Why destroy something like a child?
     Why are those labeled pro-life automatically labeled as Christians and automatically rejected? Because their opinions go against the norm  of society. Because their opinions are the moral truths, and most everyone is too happy living in sin to realize that they'd be happier living without it.
     We as Christians are slowly losing every right we've ever had because of what we believe. We believe everyone deserves a chance at life. We believe that a man was born a man and a woman was born a woman for specific purposes in life to be explored together as a man and woman. We believe in an all powerful God who created us, sent His son here to die for us, and saved us so that we can live with Him forevermore. Christianity is rejected while Islam is becoming embraced.
     Why is Christianity losing its' place in the world? Losing its' voice? Because no one stands up for God anymore. Because no one stands up for the truth or morality. Because no one stands up for what is right.

The church

Two of Elmer Towns descriptions of what a church is really about sticks in my mind: that a “church community is a bonding of people” and that it “allows for diversity” (100). I believe that churches everywhere are failing in regards to these two examples of what a church should be/do. There are very few churches that could label themselves “multi-cultural”, and only a small percentage of those actually have a multi-cultural feel, and by that i mean that the different races mix and mingle and are not separated. Have you ever walked into a church and seen for yourself the different cliques inside that building? If it is an ethnically diverse church, the different races are sitting with their race. There is no mixing and mingling, and that truly does make me sad. I am not sure, though, how this could be fixed by the church as an institution. This is one of those things that a person themselves would have to do. It is part of the bonding of the community. I have been to many different churches. The one i’ve gone to recently is mostly African American, but i love it. It truly is an ethnically diverse community. They make you feel welcome and loved. It’s daunting if you’re going for the first (or second) time because it’s one of those churches where everyone knows everyone else, but they make sure you feel welcome. The community is the key to a good church.

Personally, i think more services need to be held outside. Elmer Towns writes, “The Barna Poll suggests most people today want to know God, but wish to do so outside the established church” (97). When people think of church, they think of a building and stuffy old people sitting in old, worn out pews. It’s time to break the misconception that you have to wear dresses and slacks and sit in a pew in order to be in church! I’m all for being barefoot in the grass holding a conversation with a minister who not only preaches, but lives and teaches what he knows. Why does no one ever argue with the preacher? If they are discontent with his preaching, they find a new church without ever talking to the preacher. And why are we always afraid to approach the pastor (the bigger the church, the truer this is)? Smaller churches definitely have their advantages where this point is concerned. My home church is a full 20 members (on a good day) big. My pastor is the most incredible man i’ve ever met, and if i disagree with him about something, i know he’ll listen and we’ll discuss it.

This is what a church should be about! Diversity and openness! The word of God never changed, but the “Church” has, from what was once a gathering of a group of people to discuss the works of Jesus to a large congregation listening to a single person spoon feed them how they should be living. Church has become synonymous with Sunday morning worship service and a Wednesday night Bible Study, neither of which are truly open for discussion, and besides, who would want to argue with a pastor? He knows what he’s talking about.

Strong and weak

"I'd rather be known as the one strong enough to walk away versus the one that was too weak, and felt they HAD to stay..."


I had someone tell me this today, and i must say, i truly disagree with this statement. I think it takes more strength to stand strong and work through whatever it is you're going through than to walk away (depending on the situation. Every situation is different.). 


i guess that's really all i have to say.

On Divorce

Matthew 19: 3-9: "And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, 'Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?' He answered, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.' They said to him, 'Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?' He said to them,'Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.'" (ESV)

What happened to marriage? What happened to vowing your life to someone for better or for worse? For richer or for poorer? Why do we give up on the ones we pledge to love?

Now a days one can get a divorce for the silliest of things, such as the significant other doesn't do dishes, or this person said that, etc, etc. They aren't willing to set aside their differences and work through their faults. In other words, they don't fit that person any more so they're throwing them aside like they would a pair of jeans.

This really does infuriate me.

I have friends who are divorcing or are the children of divorce. I'm the child of a divorce. My husband is the child of divorce. We all know that it sucks. 

The friends i have that are divorced or are divorcing are the ones i never thought it'd happen to. They are the ones that i look at and say, "if they can't make it, what chance do i have?" But John and i have made a commitment to stay married, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer. Those of you that know us know that we've already been  tried and tested multiple times. And it's only made us stronger.

If you're married, engaged, have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or even just want one eventually, get it in your head now to make it a full commitment. Don't even let the word "divorce" enter into your marriage or relationship. Rededicate yourself to the person you swore you'd spend the rest of your life with. Don't become a statistic.

Borderline Personality Disorder

So John's known for a while now that i have something wrong with me. Not like bad wrong, but something is off in the way that i act. Last night i had yet another emotional meltdown while i was talking to him. This morning i apologized again (and again and again) for it and we kind of started talking. I told him that i was fine and that whatever i thought was wrong, it was all in my head. He pretty much said bull, then surprised me by saying that he does think i have a personality disorder (to be specific, borderline personality disorder, named because it was thought to be borderline psychosis- encouraging, huh?). I was pretty much shocked from here to whatever. I had a normal childhood, wasn't abused, and the only mental disorder in my family is on my dad's side (my aunt has clinical depression). Yeah, i've joked around about stuff like that before, but never have i actually thought i had something wrong. John, however, thinks there is, and after researching this, i actually have to admit that i agree.
     Borderline Personality Disorder is most commonly found in women and is marked by "intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, at most a day." People with BPD are often cutters, are full of self loathing, have trouble keeping any kind of relationships, are afraid of being alone, and have trouble finding themselves and what they want to do in life. I read over the symptoms, and i knew that it was me that they were talking about.
     I know, i sound so dramatic don't i?
     Right now, life's not bad. I'm pretty content at the moment, almost to the point where i feel like i don't need help. But i also know that in a few hours i'm going to be frustrated and hurt because John is going to go to bed instead of talk to me. Because i get that way almost every night. Some nights are a lot worse than others. Last night was a very bad night.
     I always joked that i had bi-polar disorder because my mood changes were so frequent. But people with bi-polar disorder don't all of a sudden go from one extreme to the next. People with borderline personality disorder do. And if you know me, you know me well enough to know that i do. I can be so happy and carefree one minute, and then punching myself in the gut the next. Those who know me know that i can't stand myself. So, i'm finally going to suck it up and get help. Not for me (because if it were just me, i wouldn't dream of getting help because i'd still be convincing myself that whatever i'm feeling is all in my head), but for my family, and my son.

So yeah. Just thought i'd share. Here is the link if you'd like more info on BPD:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml

These are my confessions

I have a confession. I LOVE photography. Not just love it, no, i ADORE it. I have for a really long time; it’s just lately that i’ve become a lot more serious about (and by lately, i mean in the past five years or so). My favorite things to take pictures of are plants and animals. I would die to be a wild life photographer! I want to swim with dolphins and play with wolves and be able to capture things that other people can’t.

This is where my dream shatters. It’s hard to take a picture from a different angle that hasn’t been done, because it’s almost always been done. Sure, you can put your own unique twist on it, but it’s not going to guarantee you a spot in National Geographic magazine. Too many people today are picture takers (i refuse to call them photographers because they aren’t). As someone put it so nicely to me today, “Go for it. Be a photographer. Everyone else is.” How do you stand out in crowd full of people?

Another reason i haven’t pursued this dream is because i am terribly afraid of what others might think. I do have friends that are professional photographers. My last want is for them to think i’m copying them or just doing what they’re doing (kind of going back the “everyone else is doing it” quote). My wonderful husband would love nothing more than for me to take a flying leap into the unknown. I’m an overtly withdrawn person. I don’t take leaps. I prefer to stay in my own sheltered world where there aren’t any risks and i don’t have to worry about failing. I’ve almost literally given up on any dreams i may have once had because of my own misgivings.

But not today. Today i have made the commitment to follow my dreams. I am going to pursue my dream of photography. I will find a way to stand out in a room full of other people. I’m not going to hide because i’m afraid of what others are going to say. Yes, other people’s opinions matter to me, but i will not let them dictate what i can and can not do!

My name is Victoria Hershman. I love to take pictures of wild animals and plants, as well as of people because they tend to have a while side as well. Starting today, i’m going to pursue my dreams instead of squashing them.

What are your confessions?

My mommy lied

If you're like every other child living in the USA, there are two phrases you grew up hearing: "You can be anything you want to be when you grow up" and "You're very special!".

These are lies.

One of the first thing i wanted to be when i was little was a teacher. Next, a paleontologist/archaeologist. Next was a zoologist followed by an egyptologist followed by an actress. Then i decided i wanted to be a screenwriter or just a regular author. Right now, my dream is to be a photographer and a writer. I can't truly make up my mind on what i want to do, but each time i change my mind my mom is right there, telling me that i can do anything or be anything i want to do/be. That i'm special enough to do it and do it well.

But i don't believe it.

My sister in law just posted a picture she took with her Nikon. It was a close up shot of a bee on a fence. The thing that bothered me the most about it is that the focus wasn't totally on the bee. It was blurred all around it, so you can see where the camera focused. The legs of the bee were blurred, while you can see every grain on the fence. For some reason, it just didn't look right to me.

Or maybe i'm just insanely jealous.

I want to be a photographer. Taking pictures has been a big passion for years. It's just lately that i've thought of actually maybe taking it to the next level. But there's no way i'd be any more special at it than my sis-in-law.  She's not a phenomenal photographer, but i feel like i'm never going to match up to her. I can't even afford a decent DSLR camera.

I have these same feelings about my writing.

I have troubles writing anymore because i know that i'm not special enough to bring something new to the table. I'm not as good as i once thought i was. There are people that are far more exceptional than i am. What makes me think that i can even be in the same league as the people that i'd be up against in the professional world. I have nothing that makes me stand out.

So mom lied.

I can't be special. And i definitely can't be anything i want to be. There are limits to everything that i do, the most stringent are the ones that i place on myself. It's sad, really. It all goes back to jealousy. Or maybe it's just me not having enough faith in myself to see the potential that everyone else sees in me. Whatever it is, i probably won't grow up to be the photographer or writer that i want to be. But i know that i can be the best mom i can be to my son and the best wife i can be to my husband. And that is enough for me.


For now.