Borderline Personality Disorder

So John's known for a while now that i have something wrong with me. Not like bad wrong, but something is off in the way that i act. Last night i had yet another emotional meltdown while i was talking to him. This morning i apologized again (and again and again) for it and we kind of started talking. I told him that i was fine and that whatever i thought was wrong, it was all in my head. He pretty much said bull, then surprised me by saying that he does think i have a personality disorder (to be specific, borderline personality disorder, named because it was thought to be borderline psychosis- encouraging, huh?). I was pretty much shocked from here to whatever. I had a normal childhood, wasn't abused, and the only mental disorder in my family is on my dad's side (my aunt has clinical depression). Yeah, i've joked around about stuff like that before, but never have i actually thought i had something wrong. John, however, thinks there is, and after researching this, i actually have to admit that i agree.
     Borderline Personality Disorder is most commonly found in women and is marked by "intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, at most a day." People with BPD are often cutters, are full of self loathing, have trouble keeping any kind of relationships, are afraid of being alone, and have trouble finding themselves and what they want to do in life. I read over the symptoms, and i knew that it was me that they were talking about.
     I know, i sound so dramatic don't i?
     Right now, life's not bad. I'm pretty content at the moment, almost to the point where i feel like i don't need help. But i also know that in a few hours i'm going to be frustrated and hurt because John is going to go to bed instead of talk to me. Because i get that way almost every night. Some nights are a lot worse than others. Last night was a very bad night.
     I always joked that i had bi-polar disorder because my mood changes were so frequent. But people with bi-polar disorder don't all of a sudden go from one extreme to the next. People with borderline personality disorder do. And if you know me, you know me well enough to know that i do. I can be so happy and carefree one minute, and then punching myself in the gut the next. Those who know me know that i can't stand myself. So, i'm finally going to suck it up and get help. Not for me (because if it were just me, i wouldn't dream of getting help because i'd still be convincing myself that whatever i'm feeling is all in my head), but for my family, and my son.

So yeah. Just thought i'd share. Here is the link if you'd like more info on BPD:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml