Give me a break!

While i was pregnant, everyone was so nice to me. When i went to the store, people would hold doors open for me, let me get a cart before them, and even let me go in front of them in line. I had people come up to me all the time offering me advice on food, stretching, how to get rid of stretch marks, and even advice for what to do after my baby was born, like how to deal with colic (too bad i can’t remember any of the advice). But now that Balian is here and he’s over three months old, everything has changed. Instead of the friendly advice, i get criticisms. God forbid someone hold the door open for me while my arms are full to bursting with a diaper bag, a car seat holding an increasingly heavy infant, and shopping bags. And God help me if Balian starts crying in the store. Anyone i pass while he’s crying will stop what they’re doing, coo at him, then glare at me like i’m doing something wrong.

“No, he’s not hungry, he just ate.”

“No, i just changed him.”

“He’s spoiled and just wants to be held.”

So what is it with this double standard that we hold? While a woman is pregnant, she is expected to take it easy, keep her feet up, and not do anything but be spoiled. Yet as soon as that baby is out, she is expected to turn into super mom with the abilities to suddenly multi-task, take care of a house and child, and (sometimes) return to work.

And let’s not forget the ever important look factor. So much pressure is put on a woman to lose all the weight that she spent the last nine months gaining.

I don’t know about most women, but i feel like the time for help from kind strangers is after the baby is born, not before.

Yes, i only gave birth to a 6 lb, 3 week early munchkin, but you know what? It still hurt like hell, even with an epidural. Because of the fact that i spent the next four days confined to bed rest (yay for pre-eclampsia), i was feeling alright after i was released because my body was finally healing. Most women don’t get that luxury. That six week postpartum rest is there for a reason, yet most don’t get to enjoy it because of the pressures put on them by society.

Yes, i’m blaming this on society once again. Women throughout the centuries have gone from the very essence of evil to gaining super powers. This is pretty evident in the fact that a woman is only allowed six weeks of recovery from what could be the most traumatic experience of her life. Only six weeks to spend with the new life she’s miraculously brought into this world.

I’ve had three months so far with Balian. Full time. 24/7. And i’ve loved it. I cannot even imagine going back to work at 6 weeks! I would love to work now, but i don’t want to leave him! There is this amazing and precious bond between mother and child those six weeks just doesn’t cover.

I say moms should be given a lot more help than they are offered. Doors should be opened for her. She shouldn’t be glared at for her crying child. And she definitely shouldn’t feel like she’s not welcome.

Doors are no longer held open for me. If i drop something, no one rushes to help me pick it up, even with a wriggling, screaming child in my arms. I’m not super mom. I haven’t lost all the weight.

But i’ve never lived up to society’s standards. Why start now?